


At Least That's Normal...Jim's Saga

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama/Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 05:38:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim struggles with the hopelessness of his feelings, all the while trying to be a good friend to Blair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At Least That's Normal...Jim's Saga

These are my first stories posted anywhere. Feedback is welcome. Thanks to Callisto for beta-reading this and to Janra for trying to. This should be read before "If you'll let me-Blair's turn". They are a duet. This one is totally Jim's POV. 

Standard disclaimers apply. All characters belong to Pet Fly and I am making no money from this. They can be archived. 

// indicates song lyrics. The song used is "Love Will Come To You" by the Indigo Girls. Lyrics are used without permission. I changed the gender specific pronouns in the song. Oh yes rating...G. 

## At least that's normal... Jim's saga

by Eriker  


It was a cold and gray morning. At least Blair will be with me today and that makes things a little brighter. As long as I don't really think about "this" I will be okay. I don't know how "this" happened but I found a way to fall helplessly in love with a guy who is way too young and way too straight to want anything to do with me. At least not in the way I want him to. I guess it's too late...I'm thinking about it...there goes the attempt at a good day. He wants a big brother and I have tried my best to be that. It is getting harder to ignore that my feelings toward him are so much more than that. I want to hug him and kiss him and... I end up cuffing him on the back of the head and making sarcastic remarks. I love my defense mechanisms. Maybe it's time to think about him moving out. I don't want him to go but this unrequited love is so hard to live with. Oh well I'll think about it tonight. 

I'm sure that Valentino, Jr. has a big date and I will be all alone. No wonder you're alone all the time Jimmy, listen to you wallow. Let's see... I'm feeling cranky and depressed. At least that's normal, so down to breakfast I go. Damn, he's cute and he can cook too. Carolyn could cook but she wasn't nearly as attractive as Blair. Stop it Jimmy boy, let's try to get through a day without breaking down. He seems in a good mood. The day might not be so bad after all. 

"Hey Jim, can I ask you something serious?" Blair looks befuddled, as if he wasn't cute enough today. 

"Sure Chief, what's up?" Serious, huh, well what's he up to now. 

"All right you know you are my oldest and wisest friend..." He realizes it sounded bad as he says it and he has the decency to wince. 

"Oldest ....ouch" Yeah, too old for a nubile thing like you. 

"No man you are my best friend, really. I need some advice and considering that you are the person I trust the most it follows you would be the most qualified to answer my questions." Blair looks so open right now. 

"Yeah Chief get on with it." I don't know if I can take this today. I know he trusts me but I don't know if he should. I feel like I'm lying by not telling him how I feel. Am I betraying him by wanting him? All the little touches that he thinks are innocent. What would he do if he knew they weren't? 

"Okay, so how do you know when...no that's not the quite the right question. I already know how I feel. I guess my question is how do you start a relationship?" Blair almost looks scared. 

"Chief?!" Oh I definitely can't take giving him advice on his love life. I don't want to see him hurt again. I love him too much to watch another "Sam situation". 

>   
> //Guess I wasn't the best one to ask  
> Me, myself with my face pressed up against love's glass  
> To see the shiny toy I'd been hoping for  
> The one I never can afford//  
> 

"Yeah I know it seems silly coming from me but I have this friend and I want things to grow. I get the feeling that this friend wants the same but I am having a bit of trouble figuring out what the first step should be." He wants someone. I know she'll hurt him. They all manage to do that. He deserves to be loved not trampled on. 

"Blair I don't think I can help you with this one." I can't even help myself. 

>   
> //The wide world spins and spits turmoil  
> And the nations toil for peace  
> But the paws of fear upon your chest.  
> Only love can sooth that beast//  
> 

"But you were married and so at some point you thought Carolyn was the "One": I had never even considered forever before I met this person. I think this might be the "One" for me. If I start this I want it to go all the way and never look back. It logically follows that I need to start the relationship as correctly as possible." He is so trusting. I can't let him go it alone. I can't step back even if I want to. 

"My marriage had nothing "correct" in it. Carolyn and I didn't start as good friends. It took a divorce to make us friends. Our friendship is a bond that formed during the trauma of splitting up. I'm not so good at starting relationships." I will help you to get what you want even if it kills me. 

>   
> //And my words are paper tigers  
> No match for the predator of pain  
> Inside him//  
> 

"Okay so your marriage was not a good example but still you are good at reading people. I know you've learned a lot in life and I thought you could tell me what you would do in this situation." You trust me. I will always be thankful for that. Time to put on a good front. 

"Well if I was in that situation I guess I would just keep being a good friend and step up the intensity. Let the friendship become love on it's own. Start doing little things for the person that may not seem important but add up. Let her see for herself what life could be like if you were "together". Go slow and build a strong base. Oh and keep lines of communication open. That was my mistake. I still think I am the wrong person to ask. You know Simon was always big into the romance thing. You could call him." This is the best I can do. I can tell you what I would do for you. I can try to tell you what I learned from my mistakes. I can hope for something far better for you. I can hear your heart accelerate. I hope she is worthy. 

>   
> //I say love will come to you  
> Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true  
> As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through  
> And where there's now on there will be two//  
> 

"Oh man you...that was beautiful Jim. Thanks. That was the most 'on' advice I've ever gotten. Underneath..." I love him and I will never leave him. If friend is the only title I can have then it is enough. I felt myself smile as this realization washes over me. Shit that almost was a zone-out. "Uh Jim are you still with me man?" He looks happy. That is good. I guess I didn't miss anything important. 

"Hmm? Yeah I'm here. Where else would I be?" I will never kick him out. I can take any amount of pain to be near him. 

>   
> //I close my eyes and wish you fine  
> (I'm always closing my eyes wishing I'm fine)  
> Even though you're not this time  
> (Even though I'm not this time)  
> I say love will come to you  
> Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true  
> As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through  
> And where there's now on there will be two//  
> 

"How late did you say we had to stay at the station tonight?" He looks so eager. 

"Just long enough to finish up the paperwork for this week's bust then we are off for the weekend." I pray that he is right and this is someone who will love him. If she doesn't I will be there. He will always have a friend. 

>   
> //And I wish him insight to battle love's blindness  
> Strength from the milk of human kindness  
> A safe place for all the pieces that scatter  
> Learn to pretend there's more than love that matters//  
> 

"Cool. Let's pick up some dinner on the way home and some videos. I'll treat. " I can do anything if he is with me. 

"You're buying? Oh boy remind me to give you advice more often." I will love you until time ends and I will be happy as long as you are, my beautiful friend. Then why does it still hurt so bad? 

"Let's go Jim. I'll get your coat." 

I try to pretend the floor is pretty interesting as I grab it from him. I will break down if I meet his eyes. I am happy but so empty and at least that's normal.   
  


* * *

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